Guilt for sadness.

So my big brother is now engaged. Like in the past week. He’s amazing. He’s finally found someone who’s just as amazing. I’m so happy for him, for them both. That being said, now that wedding plans are underway, my depression, which I thought I had a handle on, has now just spiraled out of control. I don’t want to tell anyone because this is his and her time, and they deserve it so much. And I just don’t want to be that person. But I’m starting to cry myself to sleep. He’s thirty. She’s about a year older than me. And I just keep feeling like that’s never gonna happen for me.

I mean, every little girl dreams of her wedding. No one ever really thinks about the fact that that’s not a guarantee. That there are women who end up alone. And it’s not because of lack of trying or that they’re horrible people, it’s just…because. No real reason, it just happens. And no one really prepares you for that. Whenever it’s brought up people just tell you to be patient or that it’ll happen for you someday. But the truth is, it might not.

I don’t want to be told that I have plenty of time or that the right person will come along. I just want to be told that it’s ok, that I’ll be ok, whatever happens. I want to be considered a whole person, instead of waiting for my other half. I want to be told that even though that’s the norm, it doesn’t mean it’s the only happy.

So how do you deal with that? How do you deal with the fact that you may never have that person? That you may never have that family? And how do you deal with the people who can’t?

Unappologetically Yours,

Dreamergirllost

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